Olivia: I’m not tired. It’s not bedtime yet. See? Still light. Mommy? Is it Daddy’s turn today? Remember when we were at the pool and I saw Batman’s leg? Mom? I am going pee. It’s a good thing I am going pee, right? Dad doesn’t like pee in his bed!
Me: Go pee.
three minutes pass
Me: Olivia, come back to bed.
Olivia: Mommy, Daddy does bedtime better than you, he rubs my back. Go get Dad. You go play his video game and put Violet to sleep and he can come up here and be better than you. I had a little pee.
Me: Good, let’s go to sleep. Goodnight.
she somehow bangs her head against the wall
Olivia: Ouch. Mommy, tell Daddy to come up here. I want him to come upstairs and put me to bed. Tell him that I have something that I need to tell him. Mom? I told you I have something to tell him. I have to tell him about the yellow hydrant.
she yawns, unintelligible whispers
Mommy? Can I tell you something? I want it to be Daddy’s turn. I want it to be his turn today. You are not good at bedtime. I told you, you are only allowed to do the nap times.
Mom? When are we going camping? When we go camping are we going to go to the beach? When we go to the beach can we get a whale floatie? You can Violet the turtle one because she is slow like a turtle and you can have the whale because you are like the whale and I will get the mermaid one and Dad can have the pirate ship one. Can we get a boat? Can we go to that picnic table? Is tomorrow the weekend?
Me: We are going camping in two weeks, go to sleep Olivia.
… whining, kicking, arm numb-ing, I love yous, and sshhhh’s
34 minutes later. I’ve got loads of laundry to put away and floors to wash. I should work out. I’m half way through the last episode of orange is the new black, I’ve got chicken wings to cook and I’m ready to fall asleep. Plus, Jamie is going to hate my face if I fall asleep and don’t hang out with him. As much as she needs a nap during the day, maybe I should just deal with the train derailing and her turning into crazy eyes because she falls asleep in four seconds flat… but train wreck. She was up late last night. Summer is hard on them, it’s go go go and she still needs a nap, or a rest, or a good dose of gravol.
46 minutes later. Oh good, she’s asleep. This is why Jamie does bedtime. This is why she can’t nap. At least the kitchen is cleaned, so thankful he came home and cleaned it. We should clean the backyard tomorrow and make cupcakes for Father’s Day. And have a play date, the kids haven’t played with anyone here all week – but then I would need to clean the floors.
Is that a snore?
Damnit. Choking on my spit (don’t lie – it’s totally happened to you before) woke her up. This is why I don’t do bedtime.
Olivia: Mom, what are you doing? Where are you going? Where’s Dad? He is supposed to come and put me to bed. I want it to be his turn. Where’s Dad?
at least she’s consistent.
Me: Ssshh Olivia, Let’s go to sleep. I won’t move you when you fall asleep. Come here, I will rub your back.
Olivia: Okay, but go get Dad, okay?