After a lot of thought, a lot of baby fever in our group of friends and a lot of “ohmygawd squee look how small that baby is” we should get one RIGHT NOW, I’ve determined the best time to get knocked up based on a few factors that I’ve super scientifically considered.
Spoiler: January is the best time to get pregnant.
Skip the Postpartum Bathing Suit Wearing
I would much rather go through the summer pregnant and fit myself into a bathing suit, than go through the summer with a couple-of-months postpartum body that comes from the spring and summer babies. Babies born in October mean pregnant bellies in bathing suits, which is much easier than finding a flattering suit after the kid has been evacuated from your uterus. Upside? You’ve got six months to get to a place where you feel comfortable in a swimsuit before it’s summer. Downside? Winter vacation swimsuit wearing.
Survival musts: a two piece, air conditioning, and a backyard pool plus confidence that you are beautiful regardless of your shape.
One Last Hurrah
Christmas parties. They’re just better when you’ve drank a bottle of wine. Getting knocked up in January means you can take advantage of the one last hurrah, or five, when it comes to the Christmas parties you’re going to attend. Downside: drinking too much wine and not recalling just when you got knocked up (;
Easy Next Summer Road Trips
Speaking of summer, we like to do all the things throughout the short couple of months of summer. Doing it with a new baby is one of those things that I just don’t want to do. Ever. I would rather be pregnant and have to stop every half hour on the road trip to the mountains to pee, than be in the middle of nowhere with a newborn.
Giving birth in October is ideal, because once kids hit six months, it doesn’t really matter if they’re going to eat dirt. They’re old enough to bring on weekend trips and grab a playpen, they still don’t need very many things except for diapers and a couple of toys, boobs and maybe some snacks for baby led weaning. That’s going to make spring and summer trips a breeze. You’re past the oh-my-god this person is too small to bring all of these places stage and you’re ready for summer adventures.
Baby ‘Mooning’ it’s Cold Outside
In the winter. I want the food to come to me without having to go get it. I want to stay inside and watch movies with the kids, cuddle and eventually venture out to do something indoors. Having a kid in the late/fall winter means that you’re going to be able to babymoon while it’s cold outside – and as an added bonus, you can wrangle some people into bringing you something for dinner when they come and visit the baby.
You Don’t Have to Do It in a Tent
In the summer we are so busy. Almost too busy to get busy. In the winter though, there’s lots of time to get busy. You’re spending your weekends in a hotel rather than a tent – and getting busy to get knocked up in a tent, without showers, is revolting.
You’ve got tons of time since you’re not spending every free second outside soaking up the sun, and it’s the perfect time to drink wine and have a date night at-home, keeping warm and catching up on your latest Netflix binge, so you don’t have to go outside.
What do you think? Do you have the ‘perfect time to get pregnant’?
Note: obviously this post is meant to be funny, and highlights that I may or may not drink too much wine, or peach bellinis, since planning a pregnancy requires careful consideration of the future upcoming events where wine may may be consumed.