My friend April wrote a fantastic blog post this morning that made me smile, and nod my head. She wrote about the impression that everyone is living these perfect lives, that they’re not yelling at their kids, that they’re making fantastic healthy meals, that they’re trying to live up to these standards that don’t even exist. Then, she shared ten of the ‘real things’ and how happy is the new perfect.
1. On the weekends, the kids make themselves breakfast while we lounge in bed and read through our twitter feeds, read through reddit and generally ignore the screaming that goes on until we move the baby gate and let them have free reign to eat yogurt with their hands, fruit to go and dry cereal in solo cups. How long until one of them can make toast?
2. Violet spilled an enormous bag of sugar in the pantry the other day and it took me three days to finally decide to clean it up because I was sick of the kids tramping it around the house when they went into it for a snack. If you close the door you don’t know it’s there, right?
3. The other day Olivia sang the most offensive Kanye West lyrics, and I thought it was hilarious. Until I realised that we’ve got a month left until school and we should start listening to the kids station.
4. Our neighborhood has recently gotten ‘social’ and we’re totally fine with putting the kids to bed and ‘front porch’ or ‘back deck’ drinking while the kids are asleep, putting the baby gate up and using facetime as a baby monitor and doing shots like it’s 2004.
5. Remember a couple of weeks ago when Jamie was complaining about the shower being not – cleaned and he started showering in the non-master bath shower? Still haven’t cleaned it. In my defense, I texted him to grab some Magic erasers the other day, and he didn’t get the text in time, as he already left Save on Foods. We’re running out of showers, so I’m going to have to tackle the ten minute job soon.
6. I refuse to buy the kids Kraft Dinner, because real food but If Jamie buys it and comes home with KD and frozen pizza, I will totally make it for an easy lunch for the kids. Parenting Hypocrite.
7. 90% of the time no one is wearing pants/ready to leave the house, before ten am. Most of the time, it’s more like noon. I am quite possibly the worst morning mom that’s ever existed.
8. I’ve washed the load of laundry in the washing machine three times this week. I just started on number four. It’s just been washed again and the only motivation I’ve got is Jamie not yelling at me for binge watching the Mindy Project on Netflix while he was out doing all the good in the world by giving blood this morning.
9. Summer comes with day drinking, night drinking and barbeques with friends. My jeans are now tighter than pre-summer, despite the fact that I’ve started being more active. Related: We’ve been on a spin class hiatus for three weeks because it’s a: really hot in there b: injured my shoulder (total excuse, it’s 90% healed).
10. I swear too much. Around the kids. I tone it down when there are other kids around but when it’s just us. I drop way too many f-bombs. Another one of those things I need to work on.
11. My kid is always the naked kid. She’s running around naked, all the time, and I’ve decided that I’ve got more important things to worry about. She’s two. If she wants to be naked, I have given up being the clothes police. Clothes related, my kids live in Carters PJs in the winter. They’re so freakin’ cozy. Olivia’s starting to demand real clothes though – Our hairdresser told us a story about how were at an event once, and another client of hers were shocked that my kids were in their PJs. I thought this was hilarious, after half bottle of wine, and said “of course they were! it was winter!”
12. I don’t use our green bin, at all. Our neighbors do enough of green bin using for everyone – so of course, we return the favor and top up their black bin with our trash, that we’ve not sorted. Plus, I am always sending trash with Jamie to work because sorting? Aint no one got time for that.
13. I am guilty of siding with the kids that’s screaming the loudest/being the most annoying. Lately, it’s Violet, she’s got the scream of a banshee when Olivia takes a toy away from her.
The shower may be disgusting, the iPad babysits and you can find me doing shots with the neighbors on the weekends, dropping too many F-bombs, but you know what? Happy is the new perfect.